wait for it
Things you needs to know:
As I write this I am approximately one hour away from being 38 weeks pregnant. It is 11pm and I am unable to sleep because, well, everything hurts. The smell of Clorox Cleaner with Bleach is wafting through our home because I thought cleaning the bathroom at 10:30pm was a sound idea. *Nesting is real, don’t let anyone tell you different*
I need you to know all of this because, patiently awaiting the arrival of Baby Boy Harris has proven to be a challenge. This has been the longest pregnancy in the history of pregnancies...if you don’t believe me, you can Google it. I think I found out too early, waited too long (in my opinion) to tell others, showed much later than my first pregnancy and am way too excited to meet this little guy. All of these factor into the longest pregnancy in history theory.
Anywho, today I went to get a pedicure and begged Maria (one of my favorite people) to give me a firm massage. Before getting to work, she asked why. I politely let her know about pressure points on the feet which have been known to induce labor. I told her I was over this whole pregnancy thing and I just wanted to have a baby already! She let me know that she was in a bit of pain from working out all week and would try her best (read: this foot massage was about to be weak!). The entire time she was trying to work her magic I had my eyes closed in hopes that I would feel contractions or that my water would break.
*Let’s stop here..if you’re judging, stop reading and judge yourself. If you’re with me, keep going*
I got home and felt nothing! I sat down and mentally tried to conjure up labor pains and still nothing. So I Googled, foot reflexology and carefully read the description of each salon. After settling on the one with the highest ratings, best website and most impressive customer service, I made an appointment for 6:30pm.
I took my son to football practice and prepared for foot reflexology and an early delivery. And then it hit me...why in the world am I messing with divine timing. I started to reflect on why I felt like I needed to go into labor early. I mean, I’ve been pregnant for the past 38 weeks (read: suffering), what’s two more weeks? And then I began to think about all the times that I’ve tried to rush the timing of things in my life only to have them blow up in my face. Or the times when I’ve tried to play God and map out my life...again, laughable. And I realized how impatient I can be and how I want what I want, when I want it. And how waiting can be good. And how what is for me will never pass or miss me. And I realized that these are the last moments of me being a mom to just one kid. And soon I will have to split my time and attention and who knows what else. And then I stopped. Forgave myself for rushing and decided to go with the flow.
I picked up my son from practice and reveled in the moments where we just talk and laugh and listen to Hamilton really loud in the car while singing along. I decided to enjoy what I have before me.
38 weeks & smiling